Last time I was at Heathrow . . .

The last time I flew to England was in January, 1975. I was 24, full of myself, and I was playing baritone in the Stan Kenton Orchestra. It was so long ago that we flew on Pan American out of JFK. The morning was frigid, we played a gig the night before, and I discovered Stan's way of dealing with the stress of transatlantic airplane travel: Get drunk and stay drunk. He'd been drinking all night and we needed to fetch a wheelchair when the bus pulled up to the curb at the airport.

That being said, I had my own windmills to tilt at, because we were traveling on January 29--my 24th birthday. Stan and the road manager, Jack, settled into first class and as we sat down in the crowded Economy cabin, the first round was bought for the celebration of my birth by my bandmates. It would not be the last.

By the time we got to Heathrow, we'd escalated from beer to bloody marys. Eventually I was unable to move. Looking back, I can hardly believe that it was me that needed a wheelchair when we got there. We met Jack, our Cockney bus driver, and Tony, the laughing though menacing when crossed Jamaican who would be our road manager, and headed off into the night to our rooms at the Mayfair Hotel.

Stan's band did 4 weeks in Britain. I never drank another drop until I got off that band.

In Memorium

One of my dearest friends died yesterday. Marjorie Baer, who I knew so long that she was Margie when we met, passed peacefully in her apartment in Berkeley surrounded by her friends. The cause of her death was a brain tumor. The cause of her life was editing and helping hapless friends like me.

We were the spitball crew in Cosimo Corsano's Italian class at UCSC in 1972. When she became an editor at Macworld magazine, she gave me the chance to write reviews about music notation software, something which I knew next to nothing about when I started. I'd been a copyist though, and I learned fast at her urging. For 8 years I was a stringer, publishing occasional pieces for the magazine, building bylines. She used my spouse Jan to write an extensive review of accounting packages for the Mac. When she moved to Peachpit Press she hired me to write a book on Claris Home Page, which was pulled off the marketplace the day the book was published, but still sold every printed copy.

She was a most positive person with a genuinely twisted sense of humor. She never used a sentence to end a preposition.

Her grieving friends include her former roommate Ginger, who now lives in Houston. She broke the news to me gently over the phone.

We're all stunned. We had no idea she was ill.

Speaking for myself, my world is a much smaller place without her.

(I am aware that she'd never have let that last sentence stand.)

A Little Personal History

I started working on ships in an odd way. In 1979, I moved from Santa Cruz to Los Angeles. One of my friends was Tom Hill from Oroville, a superb bass player and quite a cut-up. We did several rehearsal bands at the union building, which is what you do in Los Angeles. 

One day, Tom mentioned that someone was putting together a band for a new ship that would be going out of LA Harbor called the Azure Seas. Tom already had the gig and suggested me for the saxophone chair. I auditioned, but I really didn't get on with the music director, so I wasn't offered the job.

After a couple years the job fell to a saxophone player from Santa Cruz named Ray. Sometime just after my son was born in 1983 the phone rang. It was Tom. Ray's dad was in bad shape and he wondered if I could fill in for him for a couple 3- and 4-night cruises to Ensenada. Ah, Ensendada! Half a day's ride from my house by car, 4 days round trip by ship. 

I took the gig, on an open-ended basis, because Ray had now idea if his dad would get better. You can't believe what the deal was back then: The ship would clear the harbor and haul ass out to the 20-mile limit and the casino would open, much to the relief of the passengers. Back then, there were two places on land in the states where you could gamble: Las Vegas and Atlantic City. So we had some gambling fools on the Azure Seas. 

The food was great, the band cabins smaller than any I've ever lived in, and the band pretty good. My cabin-mate was the stepbrother of a guy I went to UCSC with, a slightly demented piano player who killed himself a couple years later by self immolation when he was trying to convince a dancer that he loved her. Some of the acts were less than bad, most pretty good. Gary Mule Deer worked the Azure Seas. On the other hand, so did Judy Kolba. The cruise director was a putz, a gay fellow who had a cabin with the Assistant CD dominated by a huge bed.

I ended up doing several turns on the Azure Seas, the last of which my then-wife and always-son (who was 6 months old) made the trip. Somewhere I have a great picture of Tom Hill mugging with Brendan nose-to-nose.

Tom married a blackjack dealer from the ship, who was from England. They have a family, and Tom has a career as a voice-over artist and actor in England.

My next cruise ship gig was in 2005, on the Dawn Princess.

Travel Details Revealed

I leave next Friday, October 12, from Austin Bergstrom Airport at 5:12 pm, fly to Chicago, arriving at 7:46 pm. Then I get off the little Embraer aircraft and get on a 777 at 9:29 for the overnight flight to Heathrow, arriving 11:15 Saturday morning. Can I find some Ambien? Maybe my dr. will give me some. I'm thinking about it because there is some crazy business that takes place on the first day on the ship (in this case I have a day to recoup from the flight). I've been known to stare blindly all night through an aircraft's portholes, looking for the contour of a known coastline. If that happens again I'm in trouble. 

Let me try to explain what it's like to join a ship. You're confused, tired, you don't know where anything is. Your supervisor meets you at the gangway. Hopefully, your baggage arrived with you. If it didn't, you won't have a suit to wear tonight, when you play your first gig. You are shown your quarters, you meet your roommate, and you can sleep for a half hour if you choose to forego your unpacking. Maybe you take a shower. You've been given a list of inductions, important but sleep-inducing meetings for new crew members describing crowd dynamics and safety aboard the ship.

After your first induction (there will be four more on the following days) you're hungry, but of course everybody from the music cabins is off enjoying the port. You don't know where to eat, so you dig through the stack of papers you've been given for the rules and locations for eating. You're lucky if you just arrived because you haven't made yourself known on the ship, so yo can stretch the rules a little in that golden moment when the servers think you're a passenger, for whom there are no rules.

I'd like to say that this pattern won't repeat itself on QE2, but my experience tells me otherwise.

2 weeks to go

There's a winter parka on the back of a chair in our living room, despite the fact that the high will today be 90 degrees. I bought it yesterday at Cabela's in nearby Buda, Texas. I'd been looking for an excuse ever since they opened a couple years ago to drop in. I was not disappointed, except for the fact that kids (of all ages) were menacing each other with pop guns. Here everyone hunts and fishes, which is news to me. 

While not my exact perfect fit for the job, this parka was cheap ($29!) and it's mighty warm. There's a hood, enough roominess to wear a sweater underneath it, and did I happen to mention it was cheap?

The purpose of the parka is to get me through the winter on the QE2. We have a couple Atlantic crossings, not to mention a little jaunt to Oslo and Hamburg in December. I may send it back home before we head for South America.

I've got the beginnings of a repository of non-blog stuff on my .MAC site:

Click here.

You don't have to have a Mac, but as an Apple shareholder I'd appreciate it if you'd just go out and buy one. Thanks in advance.

A little background

From a cruise fanatic site, 2005


She has sailed more than 5.3 million nautical miles—that's more than any ship in history and is equivalent to traveling to the moon and back over 11 times. She has carried nearly three million passengers—many of them returning again and again to their second home. Her arrival in Southampton on May 2 marks her 641st visit there and the completion of her 1,374th voyage. It will be her 4,856th port call. She has sailed at an average speed of 24.75 knots over the last 36 years.

QE2 can sail backwards faster than most cruise ships can sail forwards and one gallon of fuel moves her 49.5 feet! She has made 795 Atlantic crossings and completed 23 full World Voyages. In that time she has been commanded by 23 Captains.

A History Unlike Any Other

QE2 was launched by Her Majesty the Queen in 1967 and was the last passenger ship to be built on the Clyde. For the last 36 years QE2 has been the most famous passenger liner in the world and yet when she was introduced in 1967, financial analysts claimed that the age of the liner was dead and that QE2 would be mothballed within six months. How wrong they were!

She was one of the star attractions when she led the Tall Ships into New York Harbor for the Statue of Liberty's centenary celebrations in 1986; over one million sightseers flocked to see her when she called at Liverpool for the first time during Cunard's 150th anniversary celebrations in 1990, —and briefly broke her speed record on the anniversary transatlantic crossing, this editor, who was on board, remembers—and she was at the head of the flotilla reviewed by the Queen on the 50th Anniversary of 'D' Day in 1994. This year she will play a key role in the Trafalgar Commemorations in June as part of the SeaBritain festival in 2005 (website: http://www.seabritain.co.uk/server.php?show=nav.00400l ).

However, QE2's history has not only been one of sedate cruises, ecstatic welcomes and luxury living. In 1982, she was requisitioned by the British government for service in the Falklands Campaign and so joined the ranks of the great Cunarders called upon to serve the country in times of conflict. (Her predecessor (Queen Elizabeth) was converted to a troop ship during World War II..

Longest Serving Cunarder: This year on September 4, the QE2 becomes the longest serving Cunarder ever when she passes the 36 years, four months, and two days' record of the Scythia , which sailed from 1921 to 1957. QE2 was also the Cunard flagship for longer than any other from 1969 until she handed over the role to Queen Mary 2 last year, and last November she became the longest serving Cunard express liner when she passed the 35 years, six months and one-day record previously set by Aquitania which served Cunard Line, in peace and in war, from May 1914 to December 1949.

Some historic facts and trivia about this gracious Lady:

During her 36 years afloat, the QE2

* completed 1,374 voyages with an average speed of 24.75 knots.

* sailed 5.3 million nautical miles - that's more than any other ship ever and the equivalent of traveling to the moon and back 11.25 times and sailing around the world over 230 times.

* carried almost three million passengers.

* completed 795 Atlantic crossings

* completed 23 full World Cruises

* nine diesel electric engines - each the size of a double-decker bus.

* the most powerful propulsion plant on a non-military vessel.

* the largest marine motors ever built.

* the largest cinema at sea (capacity 531).

* the only Synagogue at sea.

* called at New York 207 times and Southampton 641 times

* been commanded by 23 Captains.

She is also

* probably the most misnamed ship in the world. She is Queen Elizabeth 2 (not Queen Elizabeth II) indicating she is the second Cunard liner named Queen Elizabeth.

* the most famous ship in operation.

* the only ship to be awarded Five Stars by the Royal Automobile Club.

* the largest consumer of caviar on earth.

* the fastest merchant ship in operation capable of speeds of up to 34 knots (cruising speed 28.5 knots).

* She cost just over £29 million to build in 1969. Since then Cunard has spent more than fifteen times that amount on refits and refurbishments.

* The £100 million cost of re-engining her in 1986 / 87 is the largest amount spent on such a project. Her steam turbines had taken her a total of 2,622,858 million nautical miles - the equivalent of 120 times around the world.

* On June 13, 1999, QE2 exceeded 175,290 hours of steaming time - that equates to exactly 20 years (including four leap years).

* Cunard's first ship Britannia, would fit into QE2's Grand Lounge.

* One gallon of fuel moves QE2 49.5 feet; with the previous steam turbine engines, one gallon of fuel moved the ship 36 feet.

* The diesel electric system produces 130,000 hp, which is the most powerful propulsion plant of any merchant ship in the world.

* QE2 can sail backwards (full speed astern is 19 knots) faster than most cruise ships sail forwards.

* The 95 MV total power output is enough to light a city the size of Southampton.

* QE2 sends all its used cooking oil ashore for reconstituting into animal feed.

* By the end of 2002, QE2 had visited New York more times than any other port: 680 times followed by Southampton (598), Cherbourg (264), Port Everglades (129) and Barbados (118).

* An estimated one million turned out to see her when she called at Liverpool for the first time on Tuesday 24 July 1990.

* 744 feet of plastic wrap is used very year, enough to go around the Queen Elizabeth 2 nearly 731 times.

* The ship's fuel oil tank capacity of 4,381.4 tons is sufficient for ten days' sailing at 32.5 knots, equaling 7,800 miles.

* QE2 consumes 18.05 tons of fuel per hour - that's 433 tons per day.

* Heineken and Becks together account for almost 50 percent of the beer consumed.

* Her rudder weighs 80 tons.

* Pound for pound, the most expensive food item on board is saffron (2.5 times the value of Beluga caviar).

* The number of tea bags used each day would supply a family for an entire year.

* To eat QE2's daily consumption of breakfast cereal, one person would have to eat at least two packets a day for more than a year.

* Enough fruit juice is used in one year to fill up QE2's swimming pools nearly 8 times.

* Approximately 158,500 gallons of beverage are consumed annually.

The kitchens and dining rooms contain the following:

glassware 51000 items

crockery / dishes 64000 items

cutlery 35850 items

kitchenware 7921 items

tableware 64531 items

Linen consumption on a transatlantic voyage averages:

tablecloths 2932

oven cloths 1000

pillow cases 3100

laundry bags 3250

QE 2’s Statistics

Registry - Southampton, England
Builder: John Brown and Co. (Clydebank) Ltd., Scotland; later Upper Clyde Shipbuilders
Christened by: Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II in 1967 (The Queen did not name the ship after herself; and so in time the ship became known as the “QE 2”)

Maiden Voyage: May 2, 1969 (Southampton to New York
Re-engined: November 1986 - April 1987 by Lloyd Werft, Bremerhaven, Germany
Refurbished: November/December 2001
Weight: 70,327 tons

Dimensions: 963 feet long • 105 feet wide • 32 feet draft
Speed: 25 - 28.5 knots cruising speed (maximum 32.5 knots)
Decks: 12 guest decks

Elevators: 13 guest, 8 store elevators
Capacity: 1,791 guests (double occupancy)

Crew: 921 crew (British & International)

Hint: This Queen's a Ship

About 6 hours ago an email popped into my in-box from the Entertainment Office of Princess Cruises in California.

I've been working my ass off here in Texas for a company that promised a lot more it could deliver. They almost bled me dry for ideas, most of which worked, none of which they paid me enough for. And yet, I saw Zorba the Greek the other night and I decided that the only sense of it all is to act like Zorba when his mountainside tramway or whatever the hell it was came crashing down. And that is, to laugh it off and come up dancing. There's no other way, really, or I become embittered and churlish, just like these folks I worked for. Let them chase down every buck they think ought to be coming their way, concealing, cheating, lying, misrepresenting themselves.

What would Zorba do? He'd laugh it off, the same way Anthony Quinn laughed off the priests who owned the land that Zorba's machinery was on, and, I think, if he were a musician in the present day, he'd call up the cruise ship company for which he worked and make it known he was available for duty. (Needless to say, he'd dance up the gangway and wave at the priests as they receded into insignificance as the ship sailed.)

And that's what I did. I called Princess Cruises and told them I was available. A known quantity, I sailed on the Dawn Princess in Alaska, the Grand out of Galveston, and twice on the Star--once in the Baltic just after it was repaired from the fire in the Caribbean, and once, briefly, as it returned to the very scene of the fire. 

A couple days passed. Then, this afternoon came the reply: five ships to choose from, but only one of interest: The Queen Elizabeth 2, the mighty QE2, fastest commercial ship in the world, the last of the great liners, emphatically NOT a cruise ship. The Queen is built to cross, not to cruise. 

More significant than its total uniqueness is the fact that the Queen will retire after this go-round. The sun will set on her in permanent moorings in the oil-rich ermirate of Dubai sometime in 2008. By then we'll have parted company.

So, even though I have a pretty full calendar coming up through the holidays, even though I will miss my life partner and my family, I'll be joining the QE2 as a ship's musician in the big band in three short weeks. I'll fly to England, to the world's worst airport, and walk up the gangway like Zorba.